Rushing

Since Tuesday morning I’ve been thinking about how often we rush through life and how difficult it is to pull back into this moment once the rushing starts.

Last week was a week of fast movement and many tasks. Tasks outside of the usual clinic work and teaching and parenting. With my practice I was able to stay mostly in the moment of these tasks: Finalizing the totaling of my car that was in an accident with me, viewing a new apartment, applying for and leasing the new apartment, returning a rental car, getting the keys for the new apartment and moving into the new apartment all by Sunday. In the midst of it, my mind had to be very clear about what my proper function was moment to moment. I had to move fast but not rush, not get distracted and though it was a lot, it was what needed to happen. I became very aware of the natural flow from moment to moment, task leading to task, but also aware of the necessary speed I was carrying.

Once the press of everything that needed to be done eased I became very aware that my mind was still rushing, moving much more quickly than I needed to, still in the habit of looking into the future for the next thing to do. It became clear that just the act of anticipating what’s next initiates in us a process of moving faster and faster. The rush begins, and once the rush begins we even start to react chemically, hormonally to the rush. And once this has started it can be so very hard to slow down. But we CAN slow down.

There are three practices I have come across relatively recently can help settle one into this moment, right here, just as it is.

One comes from Gil Fronsdal, an insight meditation teacher I have spoken about before. Over and over I have heard him talk about beginning mediation by expanding and settling into the cushion or chair, returning to the breath, recognizing the speed and movement of the mind, almost as if it is a colt or wild horse racing across an open plain. He speaks about how important it is for us to not try and lasso the horse, to yell at or startle the horse, but to gently ride out to it as if on horseback, with another part of our mind and gently guide it back to the breath. This Tuesday morning I had to do just that only my racing mind was the horse underneath me, and I could feeling myself gently whispering, talking to my mind, coaxing it to slow down, muttering mentally: “whoaaa, easy now”, gently patting my minds neck, clucking to the horse, saying, “its ok, you can slow down now.” With time and continued gentle presence the mind did indeed slow.

Another teaching comes from Today’s sharing by Pema Chodron on noticing the gaps in our thoughts:

“We usually have no way to make use of these brief flashes of insight. But if we have even a glimpse of the big sky, we can learn to value these experiences and start to cultivate them. You could say this is one of the main purposes of meditation: to slow down enough to notice there are always gaps in our dense, thought-filled experience—and to become familiar with these gaps as glimpses of the unfabricated, nonconceptual nature of mind.”

This teaching naturally flows into the last, which comes from my Insight Meditation Timer. A quote from Etty Hillesum. “Sometimes the most important thing in a whole day is the rest we take between two deep breaths.”

The gaps and the rest are there if we look for them, the peace and stillness, even in the most frenetic pace they can be found if we take a moment to do so, but we have to look for them and take advantage of them. The effect on our wellbeing can be enormous, our ability to stay in even the busiest moments with clarity and ease expands little by little for us. But we have to practice it in as many moments as we can. At first it will feel deeply unfamiliar, but bit by bit we will get to know the ground under our feet, and feel more and more comfortable in this moment, no matter what is going on. I am so grateful to be walking this walk and to have the ability to share this practice with you. I hope this letter finds you all in at least a little area of ease and stillness.

With warmth and gratitude, I will say goodbye for now, may you find honey in your hearts, may you and all those you love find blessings in their path, my you steer clear of misfortune, 13 thank yous!

Teo